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lunarbirth:

mom: honey, what would you like for your birthday?! :)

me:

image

mom: no silly!! i mean a REAL present!!! 

me:

image

exoticharry:

how am i going to explain taylor swift to my children

sherwat:

chrissykilljoybitchtits:

inc-omparable:

im-fandoomed:

hitlervevo:

why the fuck cant we text the police

lets say there is a murderer in ur house and you’re hiding behind your sofa and you do have your phone with you but you can’t call the police because the murderer might hear you

Here in Canada you can

Here in England we just… scream and run

Here in Scotland we paint our faces and run towards the murderer

Here in Australia you are the murderer

silenthill:

*puts my bro’s dick in my hand*

see, its a metaphor. it’s only gay if i jack it

mommy:

Eat anything you want and if someone tries to lecture you about your weight, eat them too.